If you manage to steal this election too, we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California ,
Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan ,
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new
country of New California .
To sum up briefly:
You get Oklahoma, Texas, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty .
You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
You get Oral Roberts University.
We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama .
You get Alito, Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas; we get Souter, Breyer,
Stephens, and Ginsberg, and Kennedy can have his choice;
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families, and you get a bunch of
single moms.
Please be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti-unnecessary wars,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they
don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets
coming home. We do wish you every success in your quest for victory in
Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend
our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have 80% of the country's fresh
water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's
fresh fruit, 95% of America 's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90%
of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa
!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal
Tech and MIT. We acknowledge that we will hate to lose pecans and
peaches, but some sacrifices have to be made.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88%
of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of
all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the
hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, and Bob Jones University.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that
evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61% of you believe you are people with higher morals then we
blue staters. After we leave, you can elect Sarah Palin to any office
that your heart desires - who knows, maybe having a politician in
national office who believes that demons and witches have infested
different parts of the country might work out. We hope so, for your
sake.
Good luck to you all,
Your Blue State Friends
